I’m trying to get over a bit of writers block. But this isn’t normal writer’s block, this is life is shit writers block. I decided tonight I would write a post and I sat down to look for some motivation and inspiration.
I found it here, Why am I not losing weight. Jess at Feeling Stylish wrote this post about common reasons you think you should be losing weight but you’re not. Only I read it slightly differently as “Why I am not losing weight.” I thought it might be a personal account of what’s going on and why it’s not working. That’s the mood I’m in. So, I’m going to tell you why I am not losing weight.
These are how my healthy mornings start. They don’t always stay that way.
I’m actually doing quite well. Last time I weighed myself I was down 2 kilos from the time before that. I don’t weigh myself regularly because it depresses me. But I’m slightly down and that was with having a bit of dessert twice that week as well as pizza (my kryptonite). Since then it’s all gone to hell.
I held a bake sale at work for a colleague who could use the help so made a tonne of my amazing brownies. They didn’t sell so well (people just don’t understand these are not like the cakey brownies you get in shops around here, these are like truffles in a bar shape!) and I took them home. Snack. Snack. Snack. Not to mention the Peanut Butter Cup Bars that didn’t make it to the bake sale at all sitting in my fridge. Snackey snack snack!
You should go get a wristband for Norwich Cocktail Week right now! (This is their photo)
There have been discussions about the state of our life between my husband and I and thoughts about how to change things up to make some of it easier or more productive for each of us. These have taken an evening or two and required a bottle or two of wine. Maybe a cup of hot cocoa. (Though I am all for cocoa and last year I lost a stone having real hot cocoa every night. So it’s not the cocoa it’s everything else.) That cocoa recipe will be forthcoming if you want. It’s deep, dark and intense.
And then we have tonight. Sunday is Mother’s Day in America, which is where I’m from. I’ve been here for five and a half years. The past 24 hours have affirmed the fact that my mother and I are indeed estranged. I won’t actually get into details because although I fantasized all day about writing a tell all post and I agree with the sentiment that you should tell your stories, I just think it’s unfair. People make mistakes. Some of them were mine and some of them were my mothers. I thought we could get past them but we just keep making them. We just keep digging ourselves deeper and deeper into the pit of relationship hell where no one gets out alive. We’re both hurt and neither of us can be honest about that hurt without lashing out further. Living 3500 miles away doesn’t help. Having phone phobias doesn’t help, not when you live 3500 miles apart. I fear this is the end.
It wouldn’t have affected me quite this way if I didn’t have my own two girls. I lay in the dark with my one year old and I know that my own mom held me this close once and even if that was a million light years away, she never would have expected us to get to this point. I would certainly never want to let it happen with my girls, but we just get busy with life don’t we? We live, we react, we make mistakes.
So I’m going to leave you with some advice today. No matter what happens; live, love, give and for god’s sake open up. My relationship with my husband is the best relationship I’ve ever had with anyone; because we talk about how we feel, we allow each other to feel those things, and we know the difference between feeling upset and being justifiably treated unfairly. In some situations you might be unhappy with how something went down but it’s not actually fair to hold it against the other person. It’s ok to be upset but it’s not ok to hold resentment about it. Talk about it and then let it go.
It’s not easy, not everyone can calmly discuss these things. I have no answers for that. I’m still in training myself. My short term goal right now is to gain some equilibrium and manage one very low day ala the 5/2 diet. I’ve been trying to do that all week.
Have you had any very trying but important relationships?