The universe doesn’t care if you’re happy, but I do.

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so eventually you trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”

I found this quote and it resonated quite strongly with me for some reason, even though I also think it’s almost completely wrong. It’s attributed to Marilyn Monroe apparently but I found it on a page that says a lot of Marilyn’s quotes are not actually Marilyn’s quotes. I was looking for proof that the “imperfection is beauty” one is real. (Spoiler: probably not!) To me, the quote really just means, “live, learn, grow, move on” which is what caught my attention.

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Jeweled butterfly pendant at Iridescence.co.uk

I try to post twice a week, in between my job, kids, home and husband but at the moment I’ve over-extended myself adding an internet marketing course, a new website I’m creating (!) and now, new and exciting crisis’ galore! So I found this quote, and decided to expand on some of it and basically just let you have a bit of insight into my head at the moment…

Everything happens for a reason: No I think the universe is chaos and there is no reason. We make our own reason for being. We decide what we want out of life and we decide if the risks and the costs are worth the benefits of trying to accomplish those things. Its not about what happens to us, it’s about what we do in response that is the measure of who we really are.

People change so that you can learn to let go: well maybe, or maybe they’ve changed so that they can learn to let go. Or maybe they’ve just changed so that they can be happier and it’s nothing to do with you. Maybe what’s necessary is for you to change so that you can learn to let go. Don’t make the mistake of thinking everything is about you. Again, it’s about your reaction to this change that’s important. If you need to let go, do it. If you need to hold on, then hold on kindly.

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Totally awesome hat by the talented Betsy Hatter Millinery

Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they’re right: No, things just go wrong sometimes. But definitely try to appreciate them when they are right anyway! Most people have experienced this though; you are totally taking something for granted annoyed at it’s existence at all sometimes and then you get a little taste of losing it and you totally flip out, and change your tune. Try to take a moment every once in a while to appreciate the things around you that you may be taking for granted. However, if something in your life is toxic and needs to go, get it out of there!

You believe lies so eventually you trust no one but yourself: Please do NOT ever get to the point where you trust only yourself. That’s a good measure of madness right there for one. But also, we are not lone wolves. Humans are interdependent, meaning we need other people. Please try to find at least one person who you can count on to not screw you over. And then trust them fully. There’s nothing else like it.

And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together: This, again is not true, sometimes things just fall apart because of the random nature of the universe. However, it is definitely true that good things are almost always around the corner. You really have to believe that! No matter how bad things are it will not always be this way. I know how easy it is to believe that it will, when you’re down and feel hopeless. But if you’re going to have faith in anything at all it must be in the totally random nature of the world we live in and the fact that it will throw good things at you just as easily as crap things. You have to look for them sometimes. You might have to keep a journal of all the little good things, no matter how little. But do it. Because they will grow.

100 Happy Days can help with that. Do it if you need to. Please.

Life’s been hard

For weeks now, if not months, I’ve been planning to open a web shop. Partly I’d like it to help support my t-shirt design plans, but also I never wanted to stick with t-shirts anyway. True to form, I don’t dream small, I want to try everything! I’ve been planning this shop, in which I want to have quirky and sometimes trendy items of women’s clothing, I’ve been sourcing suppliers and trying to figure out how to create the website, and all the other plans that go along with putting a web shop business together. There’s a lot to think about.

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I love this stuff though, if I could make a living just helping people with their start up plans I would be a happy lady I think. However I am not a happy lady all the time because I have no time to do this and I find it such a constant stress. I work in an office 24 hours a week, come home to two small girls who need a mum, there’s at least a bare minimum of housework that needs doing of course, a husband and don’t forget my own mental health because sometimes its crying out for a break too. My 15 month old has been terrible about going to bed the past few weeks, she takes from one to two and a half hours and believe me that takes its toll on a persons resilience. It’s hard to come downstairs after that epic ready for a new challenge. Usually I feel down, depressed and exhausted. Last night I realised that quite clearly this is not the time to start an online shop that’s open 24/7.  I’m not sure I could keep up if it went well and I am really quite passionate about customer service. I used to be a restaurant server back home (as well as a restaurant owner for a short time) and my pay depended on good service so its practically in my blood now.

HOWEVER, I now have this stuff I’ve found that I want to share with you so what am I supposed to do?

I’ll tell you what I’m going to do; I’m going to make it available anyway, just not in the way that a shop would. Between now and next Monday, 7 July, if I get enough people to order 15 pieces of the following items (any combination) I’ll get them out to you. If we don’t get that many orders then nothing gets sold, so if you want something make sure you let me know and share this with other people who might want something.

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These three items above I have as I ordered them as a test and in all honesty I love them all. The skull shirt is a wide, oversized, comfy and soft t-shirt. The glitter panel leggings are nice and comfy as well; I’m between a 12 and 14 so ordered a large and I think I could have gotten away with a medium really. The leopard print trousers are like stretchy skinny jeans and I love them.

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Then we have the further selections which I don’t have:

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I don’t have these but I want to so thought some of you might too. If you’re interested see the next post and then my Facebook page to let me know what you want.

I have not been great about keeping up with the challenge, but I’ll get back to it asap and report back to you later.

I saw this meme on Facebook and it really pissed me off

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I realise its supposed to be all empowering and shit. It was written by a life coach who wants you to go out and grab life by the horns! No excuses! Just do it! Right? Right.

You are responsible for every choice you make. Of course. You should make the best decisions you can and try not to get lazy, give up or make excuses. You should feel able to make changes in your life because there is a big wonderful world out there full of interesting things to do.

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Milan fashion week, Emilio Pucci, Spring 2014.

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But if you’re feeling like crap because nothing seems to work out for you, maybe it is your parents or the economy or a conniving colleague. This proper academic article concludes that “Adult well-being is strongly linked to childhood experiences.” And this one says that “Negative or traumatic childhood experiences within the family are associated with an array of psychosocial problems in later life.” This includes physical health problems, mental illness and drug problems. So, indeed, your parents are big part of who you have become and your happiness right now. It doesn’t mean you should let that stop you, we all have our challenges and we all have to work hard to overcome them. But it is ok to think that maybe it may have been easier had you had a happier childhood.

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Similarly, the economy is complete crap right now. I personally do not think it’s going to get much better. In fact I think it’s going to get much worse over the next 20 years and further. There are not enough jobs to go around. Technology is a wonderful thing, it’s how I get to do this and learn so much and connect to so many people. But it is taking our jobs left, right and centre. This article in Wired magazine explains how robots will have all of our jobs someday. Its a ridiculous take on how we’ll cope because I don’t think we will, I think we’ll end up with 75% unemployment ala Elysium. (Great film by the way, add it to your list if you’re into sci-fi). My point? Right now and in the future there are people whose lives are kind of sucking because of the economy. Maybe if they had better parenting they’d be better at budgeting or interviewing or working hard. Instead they had the experiences they had and it informed their minds the way it did.

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I just love this outfit, that’s all.

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The idea that we’re all on a level psycho-social playing field is total bullshit. Some people have to try harder than others. Some people for some very real psychological reasons find it harder to go into work everyday and stay there than you do. It doesn’t make you better, it makes your life easier. Appreciate that rather than judging them.

Sometimes it is your age, the weather or an argument. So don’t belittle the very real struggles that people have to cope with. Life is hard, there are causes to our ills and reasons for our hardships. Don’t let it stop you from fighting on, but don’t be disheartened if you’re finding it difficult.